|“||The best burger in town.||”|
— The slogan
The full menu could have been read by visiting one of the pages on the Edward and Eric website on kidswb.com. It is now archived on Chatterbox Productions' official website.
After a number of complaints from obese, anti-social people, breakfast is now served all day. But if you order any of these after 12PM, you better prepare yourself to pay 10 times the price (no exceptions).
- Breault Breakfast Burger - Buns, eggs, cheese, bacon, oh, and ham. Don't like ham? Too bad. We're just going to give you "the look" if you say "no ham."
- Pancakes with Maple Syrup on Top - Exactly What it Says on the Tin.
- Waffle Burger - There's maple syrup inside this item. If you're bothered by that, the only thing we'll do is wipe it off with a napkin. This one is rarely ordered, so normally it’s been sitting on the heated chute for over 72 hours.
- Egg, Bean, Potato, Bacon, and Hashbrown Burrito - Need to excuse yourself from school or work? This'll do the trick.
- Sausage Biscuit - This one's a popular choice, which is why I'm considering raising the price of this to $15.00! Always goes good with a hash brown.
- Breakfast Plate - Includes scrambled eggs, pancakes with maple syrup, a dry biscuit, and sausage. It's the perfect go-to meal when you feel like eating eggs that taste like plastic.
- Donuts - Our donuts are the perfect go-to side in the morning, which is why our police force gets it in the morning and ends up being overweight and on the edge. They’re also healthy for kids, since our donuts contain fruit. And by that, we mean high fructose corn syrup, not the ones that grow on trees.
- Hash Browns - This is probably the closest thing you'll have to getting French fries during morning hours.
- Fruit Bowl - I don't know why people order this, only old people in hospitals eat fruit bowls.
- Bagel - They're tasteless, they don't fill you up, and most of all, they suck eggs (no pun intended) - but people have been begging us to add bagels for years now, so it happened.
Our world-renowned burgers, made from dead cows!
- Breault Burger - Buns, patty, cheese, ketchup, mustard, onions, pickles, lettuce and tomato. What, were you expecting a 20-page-long description of a simple burger? This isn’t a poem, you know.
- Double Breault Burger - Can you imagine a burger bigger than your head? Well, sometimes, we just love doubling the size!
- Vegan Burger - This product is for those who, for whatever reason, don’t like to eat meat. WARNING: May contain meat.
- Junior Burger - This burger is the size of a quarter, AND it only costs a quarter!
Normally if you say you don’t like our burgers, we’d give you a good thrashing and point out how we have “Burgers” in our name. But due to a past lawsuit, we’re now offering alternatives - sandwiches.
- Fishy Sandwich - We usually get whatever we caught from fishing season, and then we put it on an oven for maybe 3 hours, resulting in this sandwich.
- Chicken Sandwich - Buns with a live chicken in between. Sometimes it's dead, sometimes it probably isn't.
- Spicy Chicken Sandwich - One of our most popular sandwiches. Tip: don't drink soda when you're eating this unless you want your mouth to burn up.
- BLT - That's Beans, Leeks, and Turnips.
- Rib Sandwich - A rib sandwich. Only served at random intervals during the year.
If you plan on eating way more than you usually do, we have fresh batches of meals. But if you order any of these excessively, please don’t hit us with a “Breault Burgers made me fat!” lawsuit. That’s your fault, not ours. We’ve dealt with those cases a million times by now.
- Breault Burger Meal - A Breault Burger, a Large Fries, and a Large soda.
- Kids Meal - Your children have been lured into greasy foods and cheap toys that aren't worth collecting. It's too late.
- Sandwich Meal - A meal with a sandwich of your choice.
Fat Boy Meals
No matter how thin you are, these meals will make you fat, because after all, you are what you eat (Except for you, Frankie).
- The Heart Attack - A 16-ounce cheeseburger that not only has meat and cheese in it, but also French fries and curly fries!
- Gobble Gobble - It's a 5-pound chicken sandwich that has tons of chicken nuggets, chicken tenders, buffalo wings, popcorn chicken and jalapeno cheese inside of it. In your face, vegans!
- French Fries - Fries imported from France. Get it?
- Home Fries - Fries made in-house. Get it?
- Tater Tots - Customers love this item, which I do appreciate since they make me tons of money and all, but they're pretty dry, so please, for the love of god, order a drink with this if you want to spare your throat.
- Chili Cheese Fries - Have you ever had these? If you ask me, these make a pretty good late night meal since we usually have munchie-fueled teens coming to the drive-thru at 3AM.
- Onion Rings - Deep fried onions with a hole punched through them.
- Chicken Nuggets - At first, we tried calling these "chicken breasts" so our menu could sound sophisticated, but we had to change the name because...well you know.
- Egg Rolls - How do you make an egg roll? You push it.
- Tacos - Ok, I don't know why people pestered me to add this to the menu since you can just go to your local Taco Smell for one, but we're offering this as a side only. They cost $1, but raising the price shouldn't hurt TOO much, right?
- Yogurt - This only comes in a kids meal. Speaking of which, we had to replace our apple slices with this, which makes no sense when you think about it, because trust me, this is much more fattening than fake apples.
You know, I can tolerate having to add all-day breakfast to the menu. I can even understand people who only order sandwiches here. But salads? Who would ever come to a fast food restaurant JUST to eat a salad? Can’t you just bother the people at your local Partial Foods for one - or better yet, make one yourself?
- Chicken Caesar Salad -
- Breault Bubbler - Our signature drink, it's basically all of the first three drinks combined.
- Cola - It's cola, AKA the #1 drink filled with tons of glucose, caffeine and sugar! Fun fact: our cola can be used to get rust off of your car or to get barnacles off of the bottom of your boat.
- Lemon Lime - A combination lemon and lime turned into a drink.
- Cherry Cooler - Cherry flavored water with sugar dumped into it to make it seem like soda.
- Apple Juice - Again, this only comes with a kids meal, unless you want to get laughed at. Anyway, we had to add this to the menu since children can't drink soda, and activists kept pressuring us to make stuff "healthier" for them. You're probably better off eating an actual apple instead. So just go out and grow an apple tree or something.
- Chocolate Volcano - A miniature volcano that erupts chocolate. It'll burn a hole in your mouth if you eat it.
- Breault Burgers has fierce competition with Pearson Pizza.