Carver's Little Secret is episode 22a of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on July 3, 1999.
Synopsis[]
Carver's secret doll is discovered by the students. What will he do?
Cast (WIP)[]
- Andrew Rannells as Edward
- Josh Peck as Eric
- Veronica Taylor as Carver and Woman in Movie
- Rickey D'Shon Collins as Blake
- Gary Sauls as Aaron, Constantinos, Mr. Goodman and Man in Movie
- Dan Green as Dallas
- Eric Stuart as Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten
- Mike Pollock as Principal Walker
- Tress MacNeille as Winifred
- Grey DeLisle as Barbara
Trivia[]
- Although this episode premiered in 1999, it was produced in 1998 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
- This episode is available to watch on the Hometown Heroes VHS and DVD, the Ed-or-Treat DVD, The Best of Carver VHS, and The Complete Second Season box set.
- An Aesop:
- As long as they're not harming anybody, don't be ashamed of the things you love.
- Think twice before saying something. When you're under pressure, you're bound to say something farfetched out of impulsivity.
- Expect even close friends to have secrets. It's a good thing to share them with people who trust you, but there are some secrets people won't share to anyone at all, and if they don't want you to know, they have the right to do so.
- Don't hype up a secret that you don't want others to know about, otherwise it'll only make them want to find out more.
Transcript[]
(In the Gym, a game of dodgeball is about to begin. Edward's team is about to face off Carver's)
Edward: (to his teammates) To capture a dodgeball without getting pelted, one must think like a dodgeball. Come on, let's all try it! (as he says the following, we see a panning shot of Eric scratching his head, Frankfurt rubbing his chin, Wayne snoring, Igor staring blankly, Abdul staring at Igor, and Aaron adjusting his shorts) Try thinking, like a dodgeball.
(He taps his finger against his forehead and closes his eyes)
Edward: I am a dodgeball. I enjoy giving a good smack, breezing thoroughly through the-
Aaron: Um, Edward?
Edward: (opens his eyes) Yes, Aaron?
(A barrage of dodgeballs slam everyone. Carver is heard laughing)
Edward: Yeah! Alright! Woo-hoo! Way to go, Carver!
Carver: You want me to turn that frown upside down, dork? I don't know why you're cheering. You lost!
Edward: The objectives of games are to have fun, which technically means we all won. (offers a high-five) Put 'er there, Carver!
(Carver twists his wrist)
Carver: That's as far as I'll go, dork. Next time, you should get a backbone after you make sure to get a life as well. (storms off)
(Carver is seen walking to his dorm room. Before opening the door, he nervously looks both ways before quietly sliding in. He applies several locks to the door, including a large metal one)
(He shoves a drawer in front of the door. He closes the curtains, and then he slithers to his bed. He takes out a doll from his pillowcase)
Carver: Hello, Princess Cinnamon! (high-pitched voice) Hello, Carver! How was your day? (normal voice) I played dodgeball in P.E! (high-pitched voice) Did you win? (normal voice) Of course I did! (high-pitched voice) Oh, Carver, you're so brave and strong! (normal voice) Yeah, tell me something I don't know!
(He makes the doll "walk" around his bed as he hums)
Carver: (covers her with a blanket) Would you care to take a nap, Princess Cinnamon? (high-pitched voice) No thanks, Carver! I've been napping all day! I want to play with you! (normal voice) Why of course!
(Suddenly, the door is heard opening. Carver's eyes widen. The camera zooms out to reveal Blake behind him)
Blake: Hi, Carver.
Carver: (hides the doll behind him) Wh- wh- h-h-how did you get past th-the-
Blake: Eh, it doesn't take too much effort. What were you doing?
Carver: (frantically sweating) WHAT DOLL?!
(Blake raises an eyebrow, and Carver nervously takes a few steps backwards)
Carver: Nothing, nothing!
Blake: Why are you backing up while obviously trying to hide something?
Carver: (nervously chuckles) Uhh, th-that was real funny! (while he's poorly lying, he squeezes his doll through a tiny hole in the wall, but unbeknownst to him, it falls down into a bush outside of the school) W-w-well, you know how people always walk forwards? I-I just thought I'd mix it up a little! Y-you should, uh, really try it. Mix it up a little. That explains that.
(Beat)
Blake: Well, I'll believe your obvious lie and "mix it up a bit". (he walks away in reverse)
(Carver wipes sweat off of his forehead as the door closes)
Carver: (ducks down) That was a close call, Princess Cinnamon. (his eyes widen upon noticing she has gone missing) PRINCESS CINNAMON?!!?
(The camera focuses on the spot on the ground she was once at)
Carver: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(He cries in front of the following: an uninterested Joey reading a book at the school's courtyard, Walker trying to play golf, the restroom stalls of the girls' dorm, Mr. Goodman filing out paperwork, Finn and Frankfurt playing an arcade game, and his own reflection)
Carver's Reflection: (chuckles) Loser. (walks away)
(Carver cries harder, and the camera cuts to him sitting inside of a movie theater, still crying)
Woman in Movie: Honey, I must be honest with you about something. I, have cheated on you.
Man in Movie: Don't worry, so have I.
(Beat)
Man in Movie: On April 1!
Woman in Movie: (tearing up) September 18.
(The man laughs, until he looks at the calendar, which reads "September 19")
(Everybody else in the audience cries as well)
(The camera cuts to Carver walking out of the theater)
Carver: Y'know, that movie was pretty sad. Wait a minute. PRINCESS CINNAMON! (continues crying and drops to the ground) I'm never gonna see her again.
(Near the school's front gates, the brothers are sitting down on a bench)
Edward: I have no idea why we're here. Were we waiting for something?
(Carver's doll rolls down the sidewalk)
Eric: (gasps in excitement upon noticing it) Yeah! (points to it) Like that!
Edward: Isn't that a doll?
Eric: (picks up Carver's doll) Well, considering the way it rolled down the sidewalk, it must be...an ACTION FIGURE! (imitates static) Approaching Mach 3! (runs away while copying rocket noises)
(Carver emerges from a bush)
Carver: (walks around) Princess Cinnamon?
(Eric passes through, still holding Carver's doll and copying rocket sounds)
(Beat)
(Carver bursts into tears and drops to the ground. He pounds his fists against the grass, but then he stops)
Carver: (drags his eyelids down) Get yourself together, Carver. (slaps them back on) I can't let anybody know Princess Cinnamon is mine.
(Eric continues running around, until he slams into Principal Walker's golf cart)
Edward: Mind if I try that out, Eric?
Eric: (hands him it) Sure, Edward.
(Suddenly, he notices something)
Eric: Oh, hey, Carver!
(Camera pans over to Carver, who has his eyes wide open and is constantly shivering in anxiety)
Edward: Is everything alright, Carver?
Carver: F-f-f-f-f-fine, th-th-thanks. Wh-wh-wh-what's that thing E-Eric is c-c-carrying?
Edward: It's a doll that-
Eric: It's an action figure I found laying on the ground! I can't believe someone would let a valuable toy like this go waste. What kind of idiotic, heartless monster are they?
Carver: (under his breath) I would be that idiotic, heartless monster, thank you very much. (clears his throat) M-m-may I hold it for one second?
Eric: Sure thing, Carver!
(He prepares to give Carver's doll back to him, but then he stops)
Eric: Actually, it's Tony's turn to play around with it. Then after that, it's Jason, and Grayson, then Mason, and Hasten.
(Sweat pours down Carver)
Carver: I-i-is that all?!
Edward: (takes out a long list) No, sorry, Carver. You're at the very end of the queue, now that you just asked.
Eric: Here ya go, Tony!
(Tony sits down on Princess Cinnamon and crushes "her" with his buttocks. The sight of this causes Carver to quiver)
(Suddenly, he starts to feel nauseous, and he passes out)
(Camera immediately cuts to black afterwards)
Edward: (holding Princess Cinnamon in front of Carver as he slowly regains his consciousness) Carver. Hey, Carver!
Carver: P-P-Princess Cinnamon?!
Edward: Who the heck is Princess Cinnamon?
Carver: (swipes Princess Cinnamon from him and holds "her" in his arms, shedding tears) Oh, Princess Cinnamon! You're back! You're back!
(Carver kisses "her", until he sees everybody else staring at him. He sets "her" down)
Edward: Say, Carver, is that-
Carver: NO! Of course not.
Edward: But you called it Princess Cinnamon.
Eric: And you were hugging it.
Dallas: And being a crybaby.
Carver: WELL, IT'S NOT MINE!!!!!!!!!
Edward: Then why were you holding it like that?
Carver: (holding Princess Cinnamon against his cheek) Like what, Ed-dork?
Edward: Like you really love your doll.
Carver: Would someone who really loved his doll do THIS?
(Carver grunts as he tries to pluck one of Princess Cinnamon's arms off, but all he does is move it)
(Beat)
Eric: Yeah, I think he loves it.
Carver: FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S NOT MY DOLL! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO PROVE IT TO YA, BLOW HER UP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
(Everybody stares at each other)
(Beat)
(They cheer)
Carver: ALRIGHT THEN!!!!!!!! IT'S SETTLED!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA BLOW HER UP IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE STINKIN' SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (takes off)
(Camera cuts to Carver walking down the flower field)
Carver: Those stupid dorks. I outsmarted them once again. (to Princess Cinnamon) I got you back safe and sound. They have no idea that you're mine. And all I have to do is blow you up!
(Suddenly, he stops in his tracks after realizing what he just said. He looks at Princess Cinnamon)
Carver: I CAN'T BLOW YOU UP!!!! Who will I have tea parties with?! Who will I confide all my secrets to?! (lightly scratches "her" hair) Who will give me a warm smile when I'm feeling blue?!
(He stops crying)
Carver: Wait a second! (continues walking) I'm sure they didn't take me seriously. They probably already forgot all about it.
(Camera instantly cuts to Edward standing on a wagon)
Edward: (speaking through a megaphone) ATTENTION, ALL LAKESIDE CITY SCHOOL STUDENTS! CARVER IS GONNA BLOW UP A DOLL, RIGHT HERE IN OUR VERY OWN LAKESIDE CITY SCHOOL!!!!
Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten: (in excitement) A doll explosion?!
(We see Winifred about to serve Ivan his lunch, but then she halts)
Winifred: Sorry, kid. (puts up a sign that reads "CLOSED 'TIL AFTER DOLL EXPLOSION" and walks away)
(Constantinos is seen selling t-shirts)
Constantinos: (holding up a red shirt that has an orange flame, with a burnt Princess Cinnamon in the fire) Doll explosion t-shirts here! Get 'em while they're hot!
(Principal Walker is lazing around on a bench)
Principal Walker: Goodman, what's all the commotion?
Mr. Goodman: Carver is going to blow up a doll, sir.
Principal Walker: Oh. That's nice.
(Suddenly, his eyes widen, and he sits up straight)
Principal Walker: WHAT?! HE'S GONNA BLOW UP A DOLL?!!? (speeds off to his office and opens his closet, which has a neat stack of dolls) Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineteneleven...eleven! ELEVEN! WHERE'S TWELVE?!!?
(His twelfth doll is on the ground. He picks it up)
Principal Walker: (sighs in relief) Twelve! (puts it up and closes the door) Whew! Thought I lost one.
(Eric pushes the wagon around)
Edward: (singing) The doll's hair is curled, and the explosion will be heard around the world!
(Carver has witnessed all of this from his dorm room's window)
Carver: (holding Princess Cinnamon and shedding tears) Oh, it's useless! I'm gonna have to blow you up. I'll always cherish our memories, like the first time we met...
(Flashback to a young Carver unwrapping a Christmas present. It's obviously Princess Cinnamon)
Carver: It's what I've always wanted - my very own Princess Cinnamon doll! (hugs it) I think I'll name you, (inhales) Princess Cinnamon!
Barbara: Carver, honey, (Carver glares at her) what about your other presents?
Carver: Give 'em to charity, Barbara. (rubs Princess Cinnamon against his cheek) I only want Princess Cinnamon!
(Flashback ends)
Carver: (sobs) Now we have to say goodbye! (pets "her" hair) Goodbye to your fluffy, mashed potato-like hair! To your kabob-like body! To your widdle, toothpick-like arms!
(Suddenly, this gives him an idea)
(In front of the main school building, everybody is sitting down on a set of bleachers)
All: (cheering/chanting) Carver! Carver! Carver! Carver! Carver!
Edward: Here he comes!
(They continue chanting, until Carver comes in, wearing a stuntman outfit)
Carver: QUIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(They stop)
Carver: Ok, who wants to blow up a doll?
(Everybody cheers)
Carver: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
(They cheer louder)