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Esmond Isn't Feeling Jolly is episode 56 of Comedy World. It premiered on Kids' WB on November 4, 2000.

Synopsis

Christmas is approaching Lakeside City, and PC Guy is gung-ho on spreading holiday cheer, but his neighbor, Old Man Esmond, seems to be grumpier than usual. Meanwhile, Principal Walker gets a job as a "mall Santa".

Cast

Carver is mentioned at one point.

Trivia

  • A jazz version of "Deck the Halls" plays as the end credits theme.
    • However, this does not play during the credits for Season 3 Volume 2's second disc.
  • This episode is available on the Christmas Chronicles DVD and VHS, as well as the Season 3 Volume 2 box set.
  • This was the last episode to premiere in 2000.
  • Walker calling himself “big-boned, not fat” is a reference to one of Eric Cartman’s catchphrases from the animated series, South Park.
  • This is the second double-length episode that has a subplot focusing on Principal Walker. The first was The Hall of the Weens.

Transcript

(The episode opens with a shot of a busy winter night in Times Square. People are shopping and eating at restaurants and whatnot, and we see Andrew and Jacob walking down the road)

Andrew: Oh, hey kids! It is I, Andrew Rannells - better known as the number one fan of Comedy World! Today, my mutt and I are shopping for the perfect Christmas tree. Jacob, why don't ya say hi to the nice folks watching us?

Jacob: (barks) I don't know why you dismissed my idea of a Christmas tree.

Andrew: Oh, you know darn well that your "tree" was just a tree-shaped air freshener! That's just way too cheap.

(Ironically enough, Andrew purchases a small Christmas tree for $1. The tree happens to be so small it can fit in his palm)

Andrew: Ah, now THAT'S a perfect tree! Smooth as my bottom.

Jacob: (barks) What a way to call me cheap, you cheapskate.

Andrew: (completely oblivious to Jacob's remark) Ya know, Jacob, this time of year sure does make me think of what PC Guy could be doing during this time of year. Like the time he tried to spread holiday cheer all across Lakeside City!

Jacob: (barks) I think you said "holiday cheer" too soon.

Andrew: Huh?

Jacob: Well, first of all, genius, you monologued so much that all the crowds are beating us to the stores.

Andrew: NOOOO!!!! Now I'll never get my book about the alphabets! Hey, Jacob, watch over our tree as I try to save ourselves a spot in line, eh?

(Andrew tries to dash into a line at Toys 'R Us, but he gets run over by a stampede of eager shoppers and he screams as he gets trampled)

Jacob: (barks) What a moron.

(The screen cuts to black, and eventually, a Christmas version of the theme song plays. The title card shows up, and as the title card track, a jazz version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" plays. The episode then officially begins with a shot of Lakeside's skyline at night)

The Narrator: Ah, Lakeside. the city where hypothermia can occur in July, and the education system is just made up.

(We see a few snowflakes begin to fall, which instantly turns into a massive blizzard)

(The next morning, there's around 8 feet of snow on the ground)

(We see the citizens of Lakeside dealing with the snow, such as Skipper opening up Avenue A Apartment's front door, only for snow to pour inside)

(Floyd is seen driving a snowplow, when it is suddenly stopped by something in the road)

Floyd: What on earth was that?!

(Floyd exits the snowplow and finds Constantinos frozen in a block of ice)

Floyd: (picks up the frozen Constantinos) How many times do I have to tell you kids, don't play in the street! (Floyd throws Constantinos into Pearson Pizza to allow him to defrost)

(PC Guy is shown exiting the apartment through a door on the second floor, which seems to have been put in specifically for the purpose of exiting the apartment in these snowy conditions)

PC Guy: WOO-HOO! The snow is here! (Holds up a calendar with each day up until December 21 crossed out) And just in time for Christmas! Around the holidays, there's certainly no other place to be than here in Lakeside City!

(PC Guy tries to put on his turtleneck sweater, but he gets his neck stuck and he starts choking. Fortunately he properly puts it on just in time. He then sees Paul setting up some lights on top of the apartment building)

PC Guy: Hey, Dad!

Paul: Hey son! What do you think of these holiday lights?

(The lights are actually a large neon sign that reads "PIZZA")

Paul: This never fails to attract Santa. After all, the red guy gets fatter every year!

PC Guy: That's dedication if I ever saw it. (puts on a brown winter cap) I'm off to go hang out with Eric and the rest, is that alright?

Paul: No problem. (slides down to the ground) In the meantime, I'll be baking a family favorite: fruitcake.

(PC Guy looks at the audience in disgust upon the mention of fruitcake. Eric walks out of the apartment with bits of fruitcake on his lips as Paul walks in)

Eric: Hey PC Guy. Looks like we got an early present with all this snow, eh?

Paul: (offscreen) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRUITCAKE?!

Eric: Let's get outta here.

(The brothers take off faster than the speed of light, and then they stop at a street pole, where they encounter Joey and Stanley)

PC Guy: Hey, guys!

Joey: I'm not in the mood, PC Guy. Are you ready to head to the arcade? You said you couldn't go yesterday, and we were at least kind enough to say "oh, sure, that's fine"! Have you no respect, Four-Eyes?!

PC Guy: I'm sorry, Joey! I just wanted to spend the whole day yesterday making sure everybody in Lakeside had a gift.

Joey: Oh, right, I forgot. But I was still too focused on that arcade trip.

PC Guy: I'm sure your gift will be better than that arcade trip. Hey, speaking of presents, there's only one person who downright refused a gift.

(Cuts to Esmond in his apartment, who is microwaving a box of Frozen Dinner for the Lonely. Then, after taking his food out, he sits on his recliner and sighs, all while looking at pictures of his family, which are hung on his wall)

Esmond: (chows down on corn) Stupid Christmas. You're just a cruel reminder that the isolated people like me need love. Someone who will care for them. Something that makes them happy. Well, those are all things I don't have. (tears up) I'M ALL ALONE!!!!

(Cut back to the boys)

Stanley: Was it Principal Walker that didn't get a present?

PC Guy: No. I gave him a treadmill.

(Coincidentally, we see Walker walking his son, Chip, right down the other block)

Principal Walker: Well, son, this stinks. Christmas vacation is here, which means my job as a principal, is out the window. I'd rather have MYSELF out the window!

Chip: (barks)

Principal Walker: What do you mean, "get a job as a mall Santa"?! Don't I get enough of dealing with handfuls like you at work AND at home?!

Chip: (barks)

Principal Walker: Well, just consider yourself lucky you're not an actual dog, otherwise the Asian buffet would love you.

(Walker passes by a hobo)

Hobo: H-hey, kid, you wanna sit on my lap?

Principal Walker: (prepares to punch him) You want a knuckle sandwich?!

Hobo: Whoa, whoa, easy there, kid! (Walker stops) Y-you got any money?

Principal Walker: I'm not paying for your addictions. Pay yourself instead. (hands him a job application for MacDouglas')

Hobo: Well, tha-that's, (burps) that's no way to be kind. Santa will be mad at you!

Principal Walker: Oh, come on! With your whiskey breath, and how you're sitting here under the bridge begging people for cash, you just scream Christmas spirit to me!

Hobo: Yeah, well, I'm gettin' cash for the holidays! That's if I'm even alive. (passes out)

Chip: (barks)

Principal Walker: Wait, you thought that was impressive?

Chip: (barks)

Principal Walker: I guess you're right. Maybe I AM fit for being a mall Santa - with my flawless intimidation!

Chip: (barks)

Principal Walker: As well as my body? (gets angry) WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!

(Cut to the boys looking through the window of Esmond's window)

Stanley: I don't get it. What makes Esmond so miserable around the holidays?

Eric: Maybe he shot his eye out with a Red Ryder BB Gun as a kid.

PC Guy: From my observations, he doesn't have much of his family left, and the fact that family gatherings are common on Christmas, it worsens his mood. Luckily, I'm here to change all of that.

Joey: What do you want us to do?

PC Guy: Alright, so here's the plan... (gathers everyone around and starts whispering)

Stanley: What?

PC Guy: I said... (whispering)

Joey: Can you speak up?

PC Guy: I am!

Joey: No you're not. (takes out the episode's script) The script for the episode says here that you whisper in a way the audience can't hear, just like any other cartoon!

PC Guy: Alright, alright! Look, the plan here is that on Christmas Eve, 4 days from now, we invite Esmond over to a dinner that he'll never forget! We'll also round up all of our friends. The dinner will be at our dad's restaurant, starting at 6:00 PM sharp. For now, I'll try to get Esmond into the Christmas spirit to pump him up.

Eric: (looking at the Pearson family's shopping list) That wasn't on our list!

PC Guy: Huh?

Eric: Dad says we gotta go Christmas shopping for the rest of our family. You know, for our cousins and uncles and whatnot. Speaking of which, what happened to our Uncle Bruce? He said he went to go get milk for our aunt...

(Cut to a flashback of Eric playing hide-and-seek with his Uncle Bruce, however as he goes to look for him, he passes by some divorce papers that have been signed)

Uncle Bruce: I'M FREE!!!!

(Cut back to the real world)

PC Guy: That's...a long story that we'll discuss when you're older. Hey, maybe I can find something Esmond really wants at the mall!

(Cut to Lakeside City Mall, where Walker also happens to be at. He is being interviewed)

Department Store Clerk: So, you want to be this year's mall Santa, eh? Well, not many live to see their sanity afterwards, but are you really cut out from it - apart from your physical state?

Principal Walker: I'M BIG-BONED, NOT FAT!

Department Store Clerk: Chill out, Santa. Have a peppermint. (hands him one) Well, let's start this interview. Do you have a criminal record?

Principal Walker: Yup.

Department Store Clerk: Alright, you've got the job. (takes out Santa's outfit) Try this on and you're good to go.

(Ironically, the suit only barely fits Walker)

(Cut to Walker on a tiny chair)

(The first kid walks up, with his parents on his side)

Principal Walker: Ho-ho-ho! Step right up, kid! Snatch $5 from your parents to sit on ol' Santa's lap!

Kid #1: $5?! Ay caramba, what happened to $1?!

Principal Walker: (gruntly) Look, kid, you don't wanna have a word with my son over there.

(Chip growls at the kid)

Principal Walker: So it's either $5 or bust.

(The kid stares at his parents, and his father sighs as he reluctantly hands him a $5 dollar bill)

Principal Walker: What would you like for Christmas, little boy?

Kid #1: I want you to eat my shorts.

Principal Walker: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Kid #1: Don't have a cow, man!

(Walker strangles the kid, but his parents clear their throats)

Principal Walker: Oh, (releases his grip) I'm just giving him a little head pat!

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