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Strike Up the Band is episode 22b of Comedy World. It premiered on Kids' WB on July 3, 1999.

Synopsis

Carver thinks he's a better musician than Cal, so Cal rounds up The Lucky 6 to start a band with him and prove Carver wrong.

Cast

Trivia

  • The title is based on the namesake 1927 musical.
  • At one point, Joey references the 1983 song, Beat It by Michael Jackson.

Transcript

(Episode begins with Cal preparing himself to perform a long drum solo. He takes a deep breath)

Cal: Here goes nothing.

(Cal starts playing the drums so hard that the entire neighborhood shakes. Everybody can be heard complaining and begging Cal to stop playing music, except for Esmond)

Old Man Esmond: Hey, I can't hear anything! Turn that music up!

(Later, Cal is still playing his instruments. Suddenly, we hear a loud knock on the door)

Cal: Ugh. (walks up to the door. He opens it, and behind it is nobody else but Carver)

Carver: Yeah, listen, it is 3 o' clock in the morning. I would like to sleep, but unfortunately, it looks like I gotta beat some sense into ya. (pulls out a nail bat)

Cal: Thanks for giving criticism on my tunes. Gives me a reason to play it louder! (laughs as he slams the door on Carver)

(Somehow, Carver has teleported behind Cal)

Cal: Huh?!

Carver: Well, what's more important than my sleep, is that I bet I can play better music than YOU! Your music sounds like country.

Cal: Country music? I don't know what the heck that is.

Carver: It's...emo music, for farmers. It's...bad. Like your music. (cracks up at his own joke)

Cal: I don't get it.

Carver: Yeah? Well, your cruddy music also sounds like dubstep!

Cal: Dubstep? I have no clue what that is. I probably don't want to know.

Carver: It sounds like this.

(Carver turns on Cal's television, and we hear TV static)

Cal: Oh yeah. Well, I have no idea what makes you think you're better than I am, but I can round up a band and blow the entire town's socks off! Guaranteed!

Carver: Ok then. My gang and I will see you at the school's auditorium on Friday, at 8PM sharp - dumbo! (laughs and walks off)

Cal: Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

(He slams the door so hard that the ceiling cracks a bit)

Cal: (to himself) Now how the heck am I going to get a bunch of people and make them learn the basics of playing instruments, in less than three days? Hmmm...

(Camera immediately cuts to The Lucky 6 walking to school)

Eric: And that's how I got beaten up with a wooden spoon.

Joey: (nonchalantly) I wish I was there to see it.

(Cal pulls up to the school in his van)

PC Guy: Hey, Cal! Nice hot rod. (notices his guitar) And that's a wicked piece!

Cal: Thank you, thank you.

Joey: What's that guitar for? Other than giving people tinnitus. (laughs)

Cal: Oh! Well, I'm planning on forming a band. Carver is rounding up his gang to compete against me so we can perform on Friday night at 8. Now if only there was a certain group of 6 people who could lend me a helping hand...

Everyone: Hey! Hey! I wanna be in it! We wanna be in it! We wanna be in it! We wanna be in it!

Cal: Perfection! (beat) Of course, you guys need some skills in musical instruments.

Eric: I once took a music class to get an easy A. I play a mean xylophone. Allow me to demonstrate.

(Eric takes a pair of xylophones from his rear and he cracks his knuckles. He starts playing the xylophone, and he plays it so well that the entire world starts shaking. Cracks form on the ground)

Constantinos: AAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! (falls into the earth and screams again)

(The sky is now hellish red, and lava spews out from the earth. The music is so epic that Eric cries just from playing it. The entire school falls apart)

(Eventually, the entire state of New York explodes)

Cal: You're in! (turns to the rest of the Lucky 6) Anybody else?

Dallas: My old man taught me the basics behind playing the drums. (plays the drums intensely)

(Constantinos is somehow completely fine and well)

Constantinos: I know how to play the tuba. (tries to play it, but he plays it so hard that he gets sucked into the tuba and he flies out of it)

Stanley: I reckon I can play bits of the violin. (he starts playing the violin, but the bow goes out of control, and it's sent flying)

(Constantinos dodges the bow on time)

Constantinos: Phew.

(But then the bow comes back for him just like a boomerang, and it pierces him through his chest)

Constantinos: I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen. (dies again)

PC Guy: And I'm quite a whiz at playing the sax.

Cal: (turns to Joey) And you? What about you, Joey?

Joey: (laughs) Don't get me started on all of these dopes. I'm officially regarded as the best choir singer in the entirety of Lakeside City School.

Cal: Really? I could've sworn that went to Tony Gibbler. (points to Tony, who's eating a cheeseburger in the background)

Joey: Umm...it was just recently! Anyway, none of you guys stand a chance against me. I'll be the singer of this lame band, and after we succeed, I'll be shirtless, and signing autographs. I'll go on a world tour, make Michael Jackson literally beat it since I'll be more successful than him, and then I'll be counting money in my golden penthouse.

PC Guy: (under his breath) Shirtless? Lucky.

Cal: It's a deal, then. Stop by my apartment tonight for practice.

(Cut to a time card)

The Narrator: 5:59 PM...

(The Lucky 6 arrives at Cal's apartment)

Cal: Good, you're are all here! Come in, before the landlord sees me. (drags them in and shuts the door) You guys want any drinks or something?

Constantinos: Nah.

Stanley: Not from here, no.

Cal: Good, 'cause I ain't got anything. (grabs his guitar) You guys ready for practice?

Everybody: YEAH!

Cal: Ok, PC Guy, gimme an A, in one, two, a one two three fo- (suddenly, his eyes bug out) Uh oh. Mom! What'd you do to my amps!?

(Later, they're now fully prepared)

Cal: Alright, from the top. PC Guy, gimme an A, in one, two, a one two three four.

(PC Guy tries to play a note on the saxophone, but it screeches)

PC Guy: Uh oh. Does anyone have any chapstick?

(Disturbing closeup of PC Guy's chapped lips. We see a few spiders crawling out of it. Cal is visibly horrified)

(Later, Joey is ready to sing)

Cal: Most bands have a lead singer, right, Joey? And you think you're a good fit?

Joey: Yup.

Cal: And people with oversized egos are unintelligent, but still want to have the most attention by being in the lead, right?

Joey: That's me!

Cal: Then start writing down some lyrics!

Joey: Hold it right there, McCartney. I already have some lyrics right (takes out some lyrics he wrote on a few MacDouglas' napkins) here. They're original and classy on the ears.

(We see a closeup of the napkins. They have ketchup smears and chicken nugget crumbs all over the lyrics)

Cal: Umm, ok. Sing your heart away then.

Joey: (clears throat) Dallas, Cal, if you please.

(Dallas takes a bow and prepares his drums. Cal starts playing his guitar)

Joey: (begins singing) Hot dang, sweet merciful god! My heart is beatin', I swear I ain't allergic to a Wheaten. Love consumed me faster than the eye can see, I think I really have to pee.

(Due to Joey's horrible singing voice (and lyrics), Cal's eardrums burst. The entire world shakes and Stanley's bow goes out of control again, and it pierces through Constantinos' brain)

Joey: Skin me alive, peel me like a potato, drench me in hot-boiled grease and turn me into French fries! I'm in love with a girl as beautiful as a dove! Smack me in the rear and tell me I'm dreamin', just like a light I'm brightly beamin' more than a demon.

(As Joey sings, we see live-action stock footages of the following: an iceberg drifting away, the Castle Bravo nuclear explosion, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapsing, an avalanche on Mount Everest, a baby crying, and a racecar crashing)

Cal: (collapses) This is going to take a LOT more than just three days.

(Meanwhile, everybody is playing their instruments)

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