The School Bully is episode 4a of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on September 26, 1998.
- Andrew Rannells as Edward, The Narrator, Skipper, Wayne, Charles and Cop Chris
- Josh Peck as Eric
- Veronica Taylor as Carver
- Mary Kay Bergman as Lola
- Dan Green as Dallas
- Rickey D'Shon Collins as Blake
- Gary Sauls as Joey and Officer Owen
- Eric Stuart as Gurney
- Mike Pollock as Principal Walker and Angus
- Grey DeLisle as Barbara
- Jason Griffith as Travis
- This is the debut appearance of Lola, Gurney, Blake, and most importantly, the first major role for Carver. Prior to this, however, Carver did make a silent appearance in Frantic Sensations.
- This segment is available on the Adventures in Lakeside City DVD, The Very Best of Edward and Eric DVD boxset, and The Complete First Season DVD boxset.
- The credits for this episode is a death metal version of the theme song.
- However, this does not play on any DVDs.
- Since Kids' WB always shows split-screen credits, and that home media releases leave the death metal credits out, the credits were discovered when this episode first aired on Boomerang on November 15, 2006.
- This episode marks the first usage of the track, Grass Skirt Chase.
- This episode uses the least amount of APM tracks.
- Chill Out by The Surfdusters serves as the title card track for this episode.
- When Eric shouted "NOOOOOOO!!!! EDWAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!", his lip syncing is incorrect.
(The episode opens with a shot of the cafeteria at Lakeside City School. Students are conversing, bullying one another, having food fights, playing on handheld game consoles, etc.)
The Narrator: Ah, lunch time at Lakeside City School. Here, we see snobby apes that are better known as "teenagers" gobbling on food. Let's see what the local siblings, Edward and Eric, are up to.
(Edward and Eric are sitting at an empty table by themselves. They are bypassing the chaos that is occurring around them)
Edward: Typical school day.
Eric: It's the same thing all the time.
Edward: Would it kill to have something interesting happen for once?
(Suddenly, a girl that is unlike any other sits down with the brothers)
Lola: Oh, hi. I'm kinda new here. I've tried to find a table but it seems that all of them are just as crowded as a zoo. Mind if I sit with you two fine gentlemen?
Edward: (lovestruck) Hubba hubba...
Eric: (lovestruck) Edward, that girl is so attractive that she's making my nose bleed. Is my nose bleeding?
Edward: (punches Eric in the face) It is now.
Lola: (chuckles) You two seem like fine gentlemen. What's your names?
Eric: (weakly gets up from the ground) Eric Pearson...
Edward: And I'm Edward! I'm a fellow member of the acting club here in this school. In fact, I did a pretty great Juliet in the latest play!
Eric: I thought your name was Edward.
Edward: (slams Eric in the face with his tray) SHUT UP!
Lola: (giggles) Well, I'm Lola Moretti, and I can show you two a fun time if you aren't cheap about it. Maybe you can show me around the school... (winks)
Eric: Ooh! What's it gonna cost? I have at least fifty Match Boy & Girl trading cards!
Edward: I have $200!
(Suddenly, the brothers are shot with tranquilizer darts)
Edward: (weakly) My family jewels hurt... (collapses)
Eric: (weakly) Holy fungus! (collapses)
(The camera fades to black, and then moments later, it opens with a shot of the school's basement. The brothers are tied to chairs)
Eric: Where am I?
Edward: A better question is, where are we?
(Suddenly, two silhouettes appear. They walk up to Edward and Eric, and the silhouettes appear to be Gurney and Blake)
Eric: AAAAAHHHH!!! ALIEN TAKEOVER!!!!
Edward: Eric, they're not aliens!
Eric: Oh, right. AAAAAAHHHH!!! SOCCER MOMS!!!! HERE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW CARTOONS INVOKE VIOLENCE!!!!!
(Gurney slaps Eric across the face with a hacksaw, and Eric quiets down)
Gurney: Shut up, moron!
Blake: You shouldn't have brought them here, Gurney!
Gurney: Whatever, Blake. (to the brothers) You guys have messed up big time. And as a result, we're gonna ask you a few questions.
Edward: (sarcastically) Wow, I didn't know we were playing charades! I guess being tied up really adds to the experience. (bursts into laughter)
(Gurney smacks Edward with the hacksaw)
Edward: (receives a black eye, with stars circling his head) OW! Hey, pal, you ever heard of counseling?
Gurney: Listen, I do the talking here! (puts down his hacksaw) We saw what you did.
Eric: You saw us with that girl?
Gurney: Don't play dumb with us! You should know dang well that was Carver's girlfriend!
(Edward and Eric stare at each other)
Gurney: YES CARVER! He's the meanest and toughest teenager here in Lakeside City, and I can guarantee he'll kick your butts and look good while doing it! One time, he punched a police officer so hard, all of his teeth fell out! And he's been expelled from over 13 different school districts for fighting students AND teachers!
Eric: You're clearly bluffing. Only cartoon characters can knock out all of one person's teeth with one punch! (brief silence) Oh wait...
Gurney: I don't bluff! We're gonna get Carver to beat the living daylights outta you, and you will be sorry you've ever hung with his girlfriend! (unties the duo) Don't say we didn't warn you...
(Edward and Eric get kicked out of the basement. Suddenly, a dodgeball hits their heads, and then the bell rings. A stampede of students run them over, followed by Principal Walker, a student driving a car, and an elephant)
(They quickly get back up as if nothing happened)
Edward: Don't worry about it, Eric. He was just joking to make us scared. Besides, nobody here is named Carver!
Eric: AND, they were probably just talking about George Washington Carver! There's no way a dead inventor can beat us up!
(Edward and Eric burst into a fit of laughter as the camera cuts to Carver and Lola meeting up at the school's parking lot. However, the only things that can be seen from Carver are his legs)
Carver: Hey, Lola, what's this I hear about you flirting with two twerps named Edward and Eric?
Lola: It's nothing, Carver! You've been in custody for a year or two, and a girl gets lonely every once in a while! Love is just complicated! (tries to hug Carver)
Carver: (pushes Lola) Get off me, tramp! By the sound of those two dorks, they don't seem so "complicated"! I'LL KILL THEM ONE BY ONE, WITH YOU WATCHING!
Lola: Carver, please! (in a suggestive manner) They were gonna pay me to show me a fun time. How bad could they be?
Carver: Bad enough to mess with the most feared teen in Lakeside. NOBODY MESSES WITH CARVER BRUTUS! NOBODY!
(Later, Edward and Eric are going about their business, when they are stopped by Carver)
Carver: HEY! Are you Edward and Eric?
Edward: Yup. What do you need us for?
Carver: My name's Carver Brutus, and I'm the boyfriend of Lola - that girl you've been flirting with. Look, I don't like it when people hit on my girl and think they can just get away with it. Surely they can't escape a knuckle sandwich from ME.
Eric: We never hit her. We're not barbarians.
Carver: NO! NOT LIKE THAT! As in you guys were flirting with her! Nobody ever flirts with Lola! She's MY queen! And I'm going to kill the both of you so brutally that you will be eaten through a straw!
Edward: If she's your girl, why didn't we see your name on her?
Carver: STOP IT! I'M WARNING YOU!
Eric: Wait, if she's your queen, why aren't we in Medieval Times right now?
Edward: Yeah, we expected better from a guy named after a scientist!
(Both laugh harder)
Carver: ALRIGHT! YOU'VE ANGERED ME ENOUGH!
Edward: Look, we're sorry. But I didn't know how you wanted us to react. You got some of your goons to knock us out and tie us up in a creepy, dark basement, and now you're threatening to murder us over an honest mistake. Looking back at it, I know hitting on your girl wasn't a good thing, and we're sorry for that.
Carver: Nope. No apologies. You better meet me at the courtyard today at 3:30 sharp so I can teach you two something about respect and messing around with other people's girls. I'll be on ya'll like a pitbull with a serious case of lockjaw!
(Carver walks off)
Edward: Uh oh.
Eric: He's gonna teach us something? Well, it'll be better than sitting in math class.
Edward: No, he's gonna beat us up after school! I should've known those pretty boys from earlier weren't bluffing!
(The brothers scream in terror and try to run away from the school, but they keep crashing into several objects, such as trees, poles, signs and cars. This continues until they get bruised. Eventually, they hide in a bird's nest, and chase music starts playing)
(The mother bird pecks the duo and forces the brothers to vomit. Her babies eat their puke, and then the brothers scream harder and exit the nest)
(They run up to the school and try to hide inside of the bell, but the ball falls down and crushes them. They somehow squeeze out of there and try to hide at the football field)
(However, at the football field, a Jock thinks that the brothers are a football, so he squeezes them into the shape of one and tosses them around until another Jock scores a touchdown)
(The duo returns to their normal shape, but then they see Carver beating up a Nerd and they scream louder than before)
(The brothers run and hide inside of a conveniently located stack of coal, but then a janitor sets all of the coal on fire, which also sets the duo ablaze and they scream as they're reduced to ashes)
(They quickly reform themselves and have no traces of any injuries as if nothing happened)
Edward: Darn it, I guess there's no escaping Carver at all if we have nowhere to hide.
(Later that day, the entire school is at the basketball court, ready to watch the fight. All of the teachers, except for Mr. Goodman, can even be seen in the audience. The brothers are at the court, with Carver nowhere to be seen)
Eric: I guess I should've seen this as a red flag when Carver offered tickets to everyone so they could see us get beaten up.
Edward: We're dead! We're dead!
(Gurney and Blake come to the scene)
Gurney: Carver isn't here yet, but he wanted me to let you guys know that he's... uh... (struggles to read an index card and also struggles to pronounce the following words) gonna kick your butts...
Blake: I don't like this! (covers his eyes)
(Suddenly, we hear footsteps that are so booming that they shake the entire galaxy)
(Carver enters the scene)
Carver: Are you two ready to die?
Eric: Hey, you can't say that word! Children are watching this!
Edward: (starts crying) N-no, I'm not ready!
(Carver cracks his knuckles and advances towards the brothers)
(Eric cowers for a few seconds, but then he becomes stern)
Edward: Eric, w-what are you doing?!
Eric: I've had it, I'm gonna stand up for ourselves.
(Eric takes off his blue shirt, revealing a gimp suit underneath it. But then he also takes that off, which reveals his fat stomach)
Eric: Carver, you're gonna have a piece of me, whether you like it or-
(Carver punches him so hard that he gets launched across the court and violently lands on the ground, where he gets smashed to pieces)
Carver: There, NOW I've had a piece of you!
(Cut to live action black-and-white footage of a man performing a rimshot with his drums)
Eric: (weakly) Ok, Edward, you're on your own.
Edward: (screams and runs in circles while shouting gibberish, but then he gets an idea) Eric, wait!
(Eric is suddenly completely back to normal)
(Edward points to a trail that will allow them to leave the school and get away from Carver)
Carver: YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURS!
Edward: If you can just excuse us for one second... (they take off faster than the speed of light)
Carver: I ain't in the mood for running. BLAKE! GURNEY! GO GET THEM!
Blake: (nervously) Uh, well, you see, Carver, I'd love to beat them up more than you would, b-but, uhh... I have... well... I... (looks at a watch he's never had before) Whoa, I better head home. (runs off)
Gurney: Don't worry, I'll do the job. (tries to run down the trail, but then he runs into a concrete wall so hard that it leaves an imprint of his body and he gets knocked out)
Carver: Ugh. I guess if you want things done, you have to do it yourself. (takes off faster than the eye can see)
(Cut to the brothers running through a field)
Edward: Man, we sure outran them!
Eric: Yeah! I bet they're still trying to figure out which direction we went!
Edward: Arcade, here we come!
Eric: Carver's so dumb he probably likes the color pink, and he plays with teddy bears, and he wears pink, and he plays with teddy bears, and... what was that last part?
Edward: Alright, Eric, let's save our breath for sprinting.
(The world starts to shake)
Eric: Uh oh. (looks behind him and sees Carver catching up with them. His eyes become bloodshot and his pupils turn into skulls) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: He's gating on us! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, ERIC!!!!
(The brothers run faster than before and they scream for their lives as they reach the city)
(They go past several office buildings, but then Carver runs through them, resulting in all of them being completely demolished)
(Pedestrians move out of the way as the duo runs for their own lives. Cars also honk at them)
(Carver comes up to the camera, with his shoe engulfing it)
(Suddenly, Eric trips on a penny and he tumbles backwards)
Eric: NOOOOOOO!!!! EDWAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!
(A nuclear explosion is seen in the background, and Edward screams so hard that tear drops come out from his eyes)
(Edward hides in a porta-potty and pants heavily, but then Carver unscrews the bolts that are attached to it)
(The porta-potty stumbles down a small cliff, and Edward walks out of it covered in trash, which he quickly wipes off. Unfortunately, since a metal can was stuck to his neck and he took it off too quickly, his head decapitates, but then he sees Carver heading his way, and Edward's body and head run for it)
(His head eventually reattaches to his body by itself, and he continues running)
Carver: You're gonna learn a lesson from all this!
Edward: (panting and sweating heavily) No I'm not!
(Edward seeks shelter in an abandoned garage, but then Carver destroys the entire garage door just by laying his finger on it)
Edward: (cries hard) Please don't hurt me! I'll do anything you want! (sobs even more) Just please spare me! We can be partners in crime! J-just like Scooby and Shaggy!
Carver: SO YOU'RE CALLING ME A COWARD?!
Edward: NO! I didn't mean that!
(Carver grabs Edward by the legs, and then Edward screams. He makes his teeth hold onto the concrete ground so he won't get beaten up)
Carver: I hope you've practiced reciting your monologue for your last words, because I'M GONNA BREAK YOU SILLY!
Edward: CARVER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly, Carver's father pops out of nowhere)
Angus: CARVER BRUTUS! What on Earth do you think you're doing?!
Carver: Dad! Buzz off!
Angus: I told you a thousand times not to bully people, but now, this is the straw that broke the camel's back! We're gonna have a nice little discussion. Now come with me! You're heading back home.
Carver: Dad, me and this kid are just playing around.
Angus: Yeah, yeah, I've heard the same card from you. You just never learn from any of your mistakes. (grabs Carver's arm so hard that it turns purple) Now get goin'!
Carver: Whatever you say, slave master.
Angus: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Carver: I meant, yes sir.
(Angus drags Carver away with him)
(A garbage truck arrives, and it drops all of its trash in a nearby junkyard. The truck takes off, and Eric emerges from the debris. He has bandages all over him)
Edward: (gasps) Oh my god! Eric! (runs up and hugs him) I'm so glad you're still alive!
Eric: OW! Can you not hug me so hard?!
Edward: Oh, sorry. (stops hugging him) Let's go home, Eric.
(They both limp off into the sunset)
(Cut to Carver's apartment)
Barbara: Honey, I keep telling you, don't be harsh on our baby.
Angus: He's 16, he should know better!
Barbara: Perhaps he was just playing around with some new friends.
(They continue arguing in the background as we see Carver in his bedroom)
Carver: (to himself) This'll all blow over. As soon as I blow UP those brothers!
(The next day, Edward and Eric are at the football field)
Travis: What is it, punk? You wanna sniff my 'strap? (laughs)
Edward: No! We need your help!
Travis: In kicking your butt? (cracks his knuckles)
Edward: NO! You've gotta listen! Please, I'll pay you!
Travis: Now I'm in.
Edward: Listen, we need someone to handle Carver Brutus for us.
Travis: What?! No way! You're gonna have to pay me thousands!
Edward: I can't pay that much - think about my college education!
Travis: You better pay me so much that you'll owe my grandchildren money.
Edward: (takes out $20 from his wallet) It's is all I got.
Travis: You better pay me or you're gonna face a beating worse than ANYTHING Carver will throw at you.
Edward: I'm sorry, it's all I got.
Travis: (grabs him by the collar and holds his fist up) Alright, that's it!
(Suddenly, Eric now has money bags in his hands)
Eric: Hey, you asked for thousands, right?
Travis: Where the heck did you get that?
Eric: The bank. I don't know why they were so scared.
(Cop cars pop out of nowhere and surround Eric)
Eric: You still want the cash?
(Later, as if nothing happened, we see the brothers walking down the hallway)
Eric: Well, now that my bail has been paid, I wonder what happened to Travis.
(Suddenly, we see students crowding the lockers, muttering in horror, and behind them is a beaten up Travis. The brothers gasp)
Travis: You guys, (coughs) owe me. (collapses)
Skipper: Who could've done this?
Edward: I never knew Carver was capable of-
(Everybody screams and runs around in circles)
Charles: CARVER BRUTUS?! (screams bloody murder and puts himself in a bucket of water, killing him)
(We see Joey walking out of the restroom, and we hear a toilet flushing)
Joey: So, what'd I miss out on? (beat) Well then, back to the-
(Joey gets run over by a screaming crowd of students)