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The Wrong Side of the Bed is episode 9a of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on October 31, 1998.

Synopsis

After a lousy day, Constantinos has a nightmare where everybody he knows is similar to Carver!

Cast

Charles appears, but doesn't have any lines.

Trivia

  • This segment is available to watch on the Cartoon Crack-Ups DVD as well as The Complete First Season DVD boxset.
  • This segment, along with its sister segment, reran on the morning on November 1, 1998, in case anybody missed the initial broadcasts. Afterwards, they did not air again until the 1999 fall season.
  • A Halloween version of the show's theme song plays as the end credits theme.
    • However, this does not play during the credits for The Complete First Season's second disc.
  • Finger of Suspicion 2 by Harry Bluestone and Emil Cadkin plays as the title card track for this episode.
  • In the credits, the walrus is listed as "Monster".
  • In the original airing, the walrus puppet roared and squealed like a pig. This was eventually changed to the walrus puppet laughing in reruns, as the original was deemed too scary.

Transcript

(Episode opens with Carver bullying Constantinos in an empty hallway. He has him in a chokehold)

Carver: Go on, Constantinos! Go cry to the teacher! Tell them I was being "nasty" to you.

Constantinos: You know, you're not very nice, Carver.

Carver: Oh yeah? Where would I be if I was girly like you?

Constantinos: (gulps) W-well, y-you would... well, I'll just put it like this: there's a good number of kids in this school who deserve a beating and you're picking on th-the few w-who don't. S-so please leave me alone.

(Carver beats him up offscreen, and we hear Constantinos screaming bloody murder)

Constantinos: HE'S GOT ME IN HIS DEATH GRIP!

(Carver drags him to the restroom and gives him a swirly)

Carver: Water's good for you, so drink up!

(Charles walks in to use the restroom, but he sees what's going on and he walks out in reverse)

(Cut to Principal Walker's office)

Principal Walker: (on the phone) Yeah, I'll have the school's taxes paid by next month. I-I mean, next week. (beat) Well, I'm aware of the damaged restroom stall locks, but it's more important to spend our money on football. School's supposed to be the happiest days of a student's life, ain't it?

(Constantinos walks in)

Principal Walker: Hey, I'll call you later, something popped up. (hangs up) Hello, Constantinos, how are things?

(Constantinos is badly wounded and he is drenched with toilet water)

Constantinos: Bad, and that's what I came to talk to you about. I'm dealing with a bully problem. You see, ever since I arrived to this school, I've been tortured relentlessly by Carver Brutus. Every day from the moment I walk into this building to the moment that dismissal bell rings, I get beaten up by him, I get chased by him and his goons even when I'm trying to head to class in peace, I get humiliated at lunch, I get beaten up again, and if I'm even lucky to still be standing, guess what? I'm beaten up again!

Principal Walker: You think I should give him 3 days of in-school suspension?

Constantinos: That doesn't seem like enough! You may as well give him a pat on the back if you're going to be soft.

Principal Walker: Then I'm afraid I can't help you much. Carver is probably just kidding around. Boys will be boys. Why, back in my day, we liked to have harmless fun with the new kid. If it's that bad, perhaps ignoring will do the trick.

Constantinos: But, do you see the critical state I'm in? Even when I try to ignore him, he wants more out of me, and I- (grunts) Never mind, Mister. I'll just deal with this myself.

(Cut to Constantinos arriving home)

Constantinos: Ugh. I could use rest. (falls down and lands on the recliner. He flips himself over and falls asleep)

(Later that evening, the sun is barely setting. Constantinos wakes up from his nap and heads to the fridge, but as usual, nothing is in there)

Constantinos: God, I'm thirsty. That swirly from earlier certainly didn't help.

(He heads to the door and opens it, but upon opening it, there's another door. He opens that door, but after it is another door)

Constantinos: Uhhhhh...

(He opens the second door, but after it is yet another door)

Constantinos: Okay, this is getting weird.

(He opens the door, and after that is ANOTHER door)

Constantinos: COME ON ALREADY!

(He opens the door, and ends up falling into a black background. He screams bloody murder)

(Constantinos hits the floor, and he is reduced to a pile of goo. Afterwards, he turns into a gumball and is eaten by a giant Carver. He screams as he falls into Carver's stomach acid)

Constantinos: HELP!!!!!!! CAN'T SWIM!!!!!!!

Edward: (offscreen) Oh, Constantinos, there you are!

Constantinos: Edward, is that you?!

(Camera pans out to reveal the rest of The Lucky 6 sitting on one of Carver's guts)

Edward: Start swimming and come join us over here before another series of waves come by.

Constantinos: I'll try.

(He sees a chewed-up chicken bone float by. He uses it as a life saver by grabbing onto it and paddling his feet to the rest of the gang. He grabs Edward's hand)

Constantinos: Thank you, guys, I never knew I was-

(Suddenly, Edward punches him in the face and everybody laughs at him)

Constantinos: OW! What was that for?!

Joey: Hey guys, watch this. (grabs Constantinos by the neck and puts his head into the stomach acid, which starts drowning him) Ha ha!

(Everybody laughs at him again and he tries to escape, but Dallas gives him a wedgie, and everybody laughs again. Eric gives him a noogie, and Stanley gives him a Wet Willie)

Constantinos: Stop it, guys! This isn't like you!

Stanley: What could you possibly mean?

Dallas: You are absolutely WORTHLESS!

(The word "worthless" comes out of Dallas' mouth and it squeezes through Constantinos' ear drums, and then the first half of the word comes out through his nostrils, and the second half coming out from his tear ducts)

(Dallas squeezes Constantinos into the shape of a volleyball)

Dallas: Anybody fancy a game of volleyball?

(Everybody cheers, and Dallas tosses Constantinos)

Dallas: (to Constantinos) Stupid!

Constantinos: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Joey: (passes Constantinos) Unimportant!

(Constantinos starts to experience motion sickness and he gags as his face turns green)

Edward: (tosses him hard) Annoying!

Eric: (also tosses him) Obnoxious!

(Constantinos lands in the middle, where he reforms back to his original body. Everybody points and laughs at him as he sobs)

Constantinos: STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

(Everybody puts in ear plugs, and Constantinos starts shrinking as we hear reused audio of Dallas calling him worthless. The audio gets more high-pitched the more he shrinks)

(Eventually, he shrinks to the size of an atom and the entire background pops)

(We see a backdrop of space, and Constantinos starts falling to Earth. He screams, and ends up landing in the middle of the South Pole. He weakly gets back up and spits out piles of snow. He walks around dazed, but suddenly, a cold breeze of wind blows by. He hugs himself to keep warm, but to no avail, as the wind's breeze blows more)

(Constantinos walks through the empty iceberg, trying to look for shelter, but all he sees are a bunch of creepy snow sculptures. An avalanche falls down, and he narrowly dodges it. He runs for his life, but almost bumps into a pile of snow that's falling apart. He barely dodges it)

(He runs further, but encounters a giant snow skull, and he screams. He tries to hide somewhere, but then he sees a snow sculpture that resembles Ghandi and he screams again)

(He hides behind a snow fort)

Constantinos: That was close, now I better get out of here.

(Constantinos takes off and heads for the ocean, where he sees an inflatable boat ready for him)

Constantinos: (we hear his heart beating as he runs) There's a boat! Almost there!

(Suddenly, a walrus puppet pops out from the ocean. In the original airing, he roars, but in reruns and home media releases, he laughs instead. Constantinos' eyes become bloodshot and he screams bloody murder)

(The walrus starts snorting with his mouth open, and then his nose moves. Constantinos looks in fright)

(The walrus grabs an igloo and traps Constantinos underneath. He screams and struggles to escape, but the walrus makes weird noises for no reason)

Constantinos: Oh, please spare me! (cries) I'll do anything you want! (sobs harder)

(The walrus pulls his head back. He squeals like a pig in the original airing, but in reruns and home media releases, he laughs and snorts instead)

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