Tripping Down Memory Lane is episode 69 of Edward and Eric, as well as the third TV special. It premiered on Kids' WB on October 6, 2001.
Synopsis[]
Everybody thinks Edward has been knocked unconscious, so it's up to Eric to show him their valuable family photo album to "retrieve his memory". In the book, we learn about Paul and Susan's divorce, the Pearsons moving to Lakeside, The Lucky 6's origins, the gang first attending school, and how Eric's friendship with a grizzly bear turned everything upside down.
Cast (WIP)[]
- Andrew Rannells as Edward, Skipper, Oscar, Charles, himself and Phone Operator
- Josh Peck as Eric
- Dan Green as Dallas
- Wayne Grayson as Joey
- Gary Sauls as Constantinos, Mr. Goodman, Victor and The Animator in the Sky
- Edward Felker as Stanley, Abdul and Jacob the Dog
- Mark DeCarlo as Paul
- John DiMaggio as Tony
- Veronica Taylor as Carver
- Mike Pollock as Principal Walker and Dr. Feelwell
- Dee Bradley Baker as Old Man Esmond and Snuggles
- Kyle Phillips as Wayne
- Tress MacNeille as Susan
- Dan Castellaneta as Floyd
- Eric Stuart as Chuck, Terry and Barry and Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten
Trivia[]
- Although this episode premiered in 2001, it was produced in 2000 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
- This episode is available to watch on the namesake VHS and DVD, and the Season 4 Volume 1 box set.
- The backstories of the Pearson brothers and The Lucky 6 is revealed in this episode.
- The title is an obvious play on words with "a trip down memory lane", as the characters initially believe Edward was knocked unconscious.
- This episode reveals Joey had hair as a toddler, until Eric burned it down. This incident ended up sparking his bitterness towards the brothers.
- On the day this episode premiered, there was a marathon leading up to it.
- The episode's title does not appear until Eric begins the story after opening the family's photo album.
- Credits: Barry trying to find a spot in Lakeside Forest where he can use the restroom.
Errors[]
- When Joey cries, his outline is nearly incomplete.
- There are no frames between Carver saying "If I had known Edward would go so soon" and "I would've made it so I killed him!", thus causing a "jump" in the animation.
- Eric's lip sync is off when he says "And that's how it all started."
- There is a "jump" in animation when Edward hugs Eric, due to the lack of frames prior to it.
- Paul’s outline disappears when he asks “I smell like toast?”.
Transcript[]
(We see the exterior of Andrew's apartment)
The Narrator: Andrew Rannells presents...
(The camera zooms into the apartment, and we see a cheap JPEG animation of Andrew)
Andrew: Ahoy! (a picture frame of Jacob barks) It's an Edward and Eric special!
(Andrew turns the TV on, and a cruddy 3D model of Edward spins in it)
(Right after the intro, we see Eric sitting on an armchair near a fireplace, where relaxing smooth jazz plays)
Eric: Ah. Hello. Almost spooked me there. (sips a can of soda) You know, this isn't even my apartment, but you're not here for that. I'm here to tell you the story I thought my brother (gulps) died. I remember it like it was yesterday. And maybe that's because it actually WAS yesterday. (ponders) Or a year ago? Or-
(Camera transitions to Eric, the rest of The Lucky 6 [except Edward] and all their other friends crying hard over Edward, who is knocked out. Even Carver is crying, but not for the obvious reason)
Eric: (crying uncontrollably) Oh, Edward! (cries over his body) Just take me instead! (cries harder)
(Stanley can be seen pounding his fists on the floor, with his face flat on the ground)
Joey: Why?! Why?! WHY HIM?! (collapses in his pool of tears, which turns into a flood, and Constantinos drowns)
Tony: (hugging Skipper) He's in a better place, buddy.
Carver: If I had known Edward would go so soon, I would've made it so I killed him!
Dallas: (hyperventilating; walks up towards Carver and opens his arms) Come here, buddy!
(Carver hugs him, but then Dallas knocks him out with a single punch)
(Suddenly, Edward weakly wakes up)
Dallas: Guys, look!
Edward: (rubs his eyes) Huh? Where am I? (looks around) Who are you guys?
(Freeze frame)
(The present Eric walks up to the screen)
Eric: And that's how it all started. (laughs) Hey! I just realized I'm telling a story, within a story!
Joey: (in the actual episode) UNFREEZE TIME, YOU COTTON BALL HAIRED NO-BRAINED BUFFOON!
(Eric runs out, and the episode unfreezes)
(Everybody cries harder)
Eric: Edward, I'm Eric! Your brother. (whispers) And also an undercover agent pretending to be dumb, but don't tell anyone that.
Edward: (since he's half-asleep, he mumbles incoherently)
Joey: That'd make a great cartoon title one day.
Constantinos: (panicking) THERE HAS GOT TO BE A DOCTOR HERE!
Dr. Feelwell: (offscreen) I've been waiting for that cliche, all my life!
(Feelwell walks out from the immense crowd)
Dr. Feelwell: I'm afraid Mr. Pearson has amnesia, which could last for days, or weeks - maybe forever.
Constantinos: (to Joey) Can you start the flood again?
Dr. Feelwell: You might have to refresh him with the most precious memories he has ever had.
Carver: (with a VCR) Oh! I'm glad you asked! Here's Edward most humiliating moments, beginning from birth.
(Dallas snaps his fingers repeatedly to summon The Animator in the Sky's pencil. Cut to the live action world)
The Animator in the Sky: (sleeping on the job) No, Dallas. Go easy on me today.
(Dallas' head emerges out of the storyboard panel and he growls like a tiger. The Animator in the Sky becomes terrified)
The Animator in the Sky: (under his breath) Fine, fine.
(His pencil's eraser appears, and The Animator in the Sky erases Carver)
Eric: Hmm...what do I remember now? Do I remember what remembering is? (suddenly, he gets an idea, and he reaches for the family album)
Joey: A MacGuffin?
Stanley: Cheap episode.
Eric: Edward, I am not a man of memorization because remembering hurts my head, but this will surely refresh our shared amnesia. (opens it) Our lives as we know it all started in Omaha, Nebraska.
(Camera zooms into the first picture, and we see a young Edward and Eric, both of whom are 4 years old around this time)
Eric: (narrating) We lived in the suburbs. Ya know - suburbs. Utopias for barbecues, white picket fences, washed up retirees, fathers who mow their lawns at 7AM and all that stuff.
Joey: (offscreen) We've all watched corny sitcoms, dummy.
(We hear him getting punched by Dallas)
(The brothers are playing Tag. Eric tries to find a good hiding spot by trying to jump through the fence, but his head gets stuck. He struggles to escape, which he eventually does, but his head has been violently ripped off, with only his brain and nerves being the remaining part of it)
Edward: (pokes him) Tag, you're- AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!
(Eric gives him a thumbs-up to signal he's ok, and he regenerates a new head within a heartbeat)
Edward: Oh, Eric! Don't make my blood run cold next time.
Eric: Sorry.
Edward: Oh yeah, you're it!
Eric: Who's it?
Edward: You are!
Eric: My name's It?
Edward: No, I-
(Suddenly, we hear something crash in the background. The brothers zoom up to their house's window to investigate)
Paul: I told you to look after them!
Susan: I was watching TV for, like, a second.
Paul: IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME THING WITH YOU!
(Paul summons a thought bubble by snapping his fingers. When a thought bubble appears, a duck is heard quacking)
Paul: Here is two years ago, at this same exact spot, in the same exact time, having the same exact conversation.
(The second appears. In this thought bubble, we see Susan giving the brothers "bath toys", AKA toasters)
Paul: That's you giving them their first bath.
(The third and final one appears. In it, we see Susan at a movie theater, with none of the brothers around)
Paul: And that's when you were supposed to look after them at the playground.
Susan: Come on, honey. They were just simple mistakes.
Paul: My "simple mistake" was marrying you. Susan, I've saved up my entire paychecks for this day. You and I? Divorced.
Susan: Can I borrow forty do-
(Paul and the brothers have somehow already left, and the entire house is dead empty)
(We see the remaining of the family - Paul and the brothers - in the car. The brothers and all their bags are in the back seat)
Paul: Well, boys, I think you'll really love Lakeside City!
Eric: You said we were going to Diz-knee World.
Paul: Oh, that's just your former mother's nonsense.
Edward: "Former"?!
Paul: Edward, your mother was no good. And we already settled a divorce in court. We're moving away from her to a city where I got a gig to build my own dreams!
Eric: Is it, defeating crime each night under a new persona?
Paul: (laughs) No, silly. I've been wanting to build my own restaurant ever since I first laid my hands on a spatula - when I was born. And now, at our new home, you'll see that become a reality!
Eric: So...no Diz-knee World?
Edward: No more old home?
Paul: It's for the best, boys. I'm sorry, but-
(The brothers cry hard, to the point where they make a literal Trail of Tears all the way from Nebraska to Pennsylvania)
Eric: I can't handle this! (exits the car)
(Paul gasps and tries to catch Eric, but the latter runs to Nebraska in a second, and arrives back to his family, holding the entire house)
Eric: If we're moving, I am NOT leaving THIS behind.
Paul: Eric, NO!
(Eric tosses the entire house into the air and it lands on the trunk, crushing it)
Paul: Eric, you have to let go of the past. Your mother was no good. This move is a necessity.
(Eric sighs as he heads back into the car)
(Later, it's morning. They are now in Upstate New York, barely entering the state. Paul is still driving, and Edward is sleeping in his booster seat, but Eric is nowhere to be seen)
Paul: Well, how are you guys doing back- (suddenly, his eyes bulge out as he looks at the front mirror, and sees Eric is nowhere. He stops the car) EDWARD! WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER?!
Edward: He was sleeping under the seats!
Paul: WELL, CHECK AGAIN!
Edward: (he does so, and then he gulps, shivering afterwards) Nope.
Paul: Grab the hunting net; he must've escaped again!
(Camera immediately cuts to them exiting the car and investigating around it. Paul breaks open the car hood and goes inside the engines)
(Edward looks underneath the car)
Paul: (cries and dials a number on a conveniently located payphone) Missing child! HELP!
Phone Operator: Please wait until I transfer your call. (unfitting waiting music plays)
(Paul cries harder)
(Edward struggles to pop the trunk open. He eventually does so, but he only finds the rest of their baggage in there. Then, he looks at the top of the car and finds...)
Edward: ERIC! (hugs him) Oh, buddy, we thought you were a goner!
(Paul is still crying, but this time, it's in tears of joy. He slams the phone back into the booth)
(That afternoon, the car arrives in Lakeside City)
Paul: Here we are, boys! The start of our new, toxic-free lives.
Edward: But it, doesn't look anything like Nebraska.
Paul: You're right! It looks like Lakeside City!
(We see live-action black-and-white stock footage of an audience laughing hard, with a rimshot playing)
(Cut to the family entering their apartment, with numerous furniture boxes being unloaded by Floyd. The brothers look at their surroundings, but each time they do, they vision the apartment as a terrifying hellhole)
(They look at the empty living room, but they picture it as a swamp filled with eldritch creatures. They shiver in fright and take a glance at the kitchen, but all they see is a witch laughing maniacally while cooking eyeball stew. Both sweat at a rapid pace, and they look into the hallway, but they imagine it being dark and being infested with creepy eyeballs and tentacles)
(Both let out bloodcurling screams)
Paul: Edward! Eric! What has gotten into you?!
Eric: Uhhh...we were just... yawning.
Edward: Careful, Eric. Yawning's contagious, even if you hear that word or see it.
(We see a live-action kid watching the episode, and he yawns at this exact scene, thus likely causing the viewer to yawn as well)
Paul: That reminds me! Your beds.
(Camera cuts to Paul setting down a racecar bed)
Paul: Edward, for the time being, you'll be sharing beds with your brother. (walks out)
Edward: (rolls down his sleeve and activates his teleportation watch within the click of a button, which teleports the brothers to the hallway) Eric, we must go back home. (sighs as he grabs a bindle stick) Let's go.
Eric: We can do that without running away - you have a teleportation watch.
Edward: What, and ruin the plot?
(Beat)
Eric: Ok, you're right.
(Both sneak out of their bedroom. Paul is seen moving a recliner in with Floyd, so they hide underneath a lampshade. Floyd flickers a switch, turning the lamp on. The brothers get electrocuted and scream bloody murder. Their entire bodies crumble into piles of dust and they fall to the ground)
Floyd: (sniffs the air) You smell toast?
Paul: I smell like toast?
(The brothers are back to normal as if nothing happened. Paul and Floyd set the recliner down, and the latter turns around to grab some more furniture. Edward turns Eric around and points to a cardboard box, which they quickly hide in)
(Paul grabs the box and opens it, but the brothers have somehow already disappeared. They have managed to reach the hallway)
Eric: We made it!
(They proceed to tiptoe, until they hear fingers snapping. They gasp and turn around to figure out the source)
(Two silhouettes are seen walking down the hallway, and they turn out to be Joey and Stanley)
Stanley: (punching his palm) Well well, what have we here? A couple of new kids!
Joey: Better teach 'em how it is around here.
(Eric imagines them resembling Greasers, and he gets even more terrified)
Stanley: (approaches the brothers, alongside Joey) So! You two thought you could move in here without getting our traditional New Kid Beating?
Eric: (shivering) N-n-no... it wasn't mentioned anywhere in the apartment's-
Joey: We do the talking around here! (notices Edward) Look, it's a glasses kid! You know what we do to people like you, right?
Edward: (gulps and sweats nervously) Uhh...you provide them with contacts?
Joey: Wrong answer, Four Eyes! (starts removing his "glasses") Lemme "put these on"!
Edward: No! These aren't glasses, it's my-
(Joey rips off the "glasses", and he quickly realizes they're actually Edward's eyeballs. Both scream bloody murder - Edward in pain, and Joey in fright)
Stanley: (to Joey) Settle down, baldy! Why don't we play a game called Nerd-in-the-Middle?
Edward: Actually, I'm standing on the right-
Joey: Shut it, Four Eyes! (tosses Edward's "glasses" to Stanley, who tosses it back. Rinse and repeat)
Edward: Wait! Give that back!
Eric: (stern) Give, it, back.
Joey: Yeah? Or what? Are you gonna tell your-
(Suddenly, Eric bites his wrist, and Joey screams in pain. He clutches his wrist and jumps up and down to ease the pain. Eric gives Edward's "glasses" to him, who puts them back on)
Dallas: (walks in) Hey, you had THAT one coming. (to the brothers) Look, I am so sorry for their behavior. Joey is usually like that to new kids in the apartment, and I think he's a bad influence on Stanley over there. I'm Dallas.
Edward: Uh, I'm Edward.
Eric: And I'm Eric.
Joey: (in the same words of his present self from earlier in the episode) That would make a great cartoon title one day. (clears his throat) Ok, I had you guys wrong - y'all seem pretty cool. But don't think that won't make you immune to my teasing. I'M Joey, (pointing to Stanley) and that twerp over there is Stanley.
(Stanley grinds his teeth to keep calm)
Joey: (suddenly, he begins sweating) Is it just me or is it getting too warm in here?
(We see "water" pouring onto his head)
Joey: (sighs in relaxation) That's better. Thanks, Eric.
Eric: (he is seen pouring an entire can of gasoline onto Joey) No problem!
Edward: Uhh, Eric?! That's not water.
Joey: I'm sure it is. (a drop of the "water" lands on his tongue, and he profusely coughs) Wait! That ISN'T water!
(Before he knows it, his hair gets set ablaze, and he screams bloody murder. He frantically runs in circles)
(The rest of the gang walks away)
Stanley: Heh. That WAS kinda funny. You two don't seem so bad.
Dallas: Say, why don't we hang in the courtyard?
Edward: Now that's a plan!
Stanley: So what brought you two to this dump of a town?
Edward: It's a good thing the last few script pages covered that! You see, our dad recently...
(Joey weakly gets up and tries to catch up with the rest by limping)
Joey: Ow...ow...ow...
(Fade to black. The camera fades to the next day, where we see the front of Lakeside City School. Dallas and Joey are in a school bus)
Dallas: Strange. Edward and Eric said they'd sit with us before the first day of school.
Joey: Well, genius, we DID go through a forest. They must've been dumb enough to have gotten eaten.
(For the first time, Dallas punches Joey's arm, causing the latter to yelp in pain. Eventually, the bus reaches the school's gate)
Dallas: Here we are. Joey, I hope you're prepared to become a depressed subject of the soul-crushing education system for the next 13 years.
Joey: Don't worry, Dallas. The lack of seat belts in here already prepared me. If they're gonna kill my passion for life, they're gonna end up killing me instead.
(Everybody exits the bus and they walk past the gates. Stanley arrives through a private limo. Before they can reach any further, we hear heavy stomping. Mr. Goodman exits the front entrance of the main campus building)
Mr. Goodman: (salutes) All hail Mr. Walker!
(Everyone salutes as well as they form a perfect line. Walker comes out of the building and stomps through the middle of the line)
Everyone: All hail the Iron Walker! Our wise and courageous leader! The supreme-
(Suddenly, everybody gets mixed up, and they blabber out nonsense. Walker gets increasingly frustrated)
Principal Walker: THAT'S ENOUGH!
(Beat)
Principal Walker: Much better. Since it is the first day for a majority of you servants, refer to me as Principal Walker. Nothing more, nothing less. I shall inform each and every one of you that I run a very prestigious school, with a spotless record of order and loyal regiment! In all my years of running this school, never have I ever experienced any sort of mishap. And I do not expect any of you to break that streak under MY watch. (turns his back around) Goodman, the attendance!
Mr. Goodman: All have been counted, sir. Including Joey Maldanado.
Principal Walker: (bursts into laughter) JOEY?! I don't remember ordering a baby kangaroo! (laughs even more, until Joey kicks him in the kneecap) YEEEEEAAOOOOWWWW!!!! (clutches his knee and jumps up and down) Goodman, how am I expected to teach EVERY one of these future demons?
Mr. Goodman: I'm not so sure about the "future demon" part, sir. We are expecting two more students: Edward, and Eric.
Principal Walker: I don't like the sound of 'em already. I've already had enough tomfoolery for one day.
(Suddenly, a pizza van crashes through the gates and blares its horn. Walker screams bloody murder, and he gets run over. The sheer impact splatters him into a puddle)
Mr. Goodman: Hey, you just ran over our principal! (wipes off some of Walker's body off of his suit)
Floyd: (rolls down the driver's window) Sorry; this is what happens on same-day delivery. (hands him a clipboard)
Mr. Goodman: (signs it) Wait...we didn't order any pizza. (hands it back to him)
Floyd: I didn't say it was pizza. (gives him a pizza box and drives off, making Walker scream in pain)
Mr. Goodman: If it's not pizza, (opens the box, revealing a roll of dough) then what could it be?
(The dough slithers out of the box. Walker gets back up, with his body back to normal, and he notices the dough approaching him. He screams in terror, but then we see the brothers emerge from it)
Edward: Edward Pearson, reporting for duty!
Eric: (eating pieces of the dough) This will be worth the salmonella. (looks up) Oh, hi, I'm Eric.
(Walker angrily storms up to them. As he does so, a train chugging sound effect plays)
Principal Walker: What is the meaning of this?!
Edward: Oh, pardon us, sir. We thought this form of transportation would be more fun!
Terry: Whoa!
Barry: Fun!
Skipper: He does seem great.
Principal Walker: SILENCE! School is NOT supposed to be "fun", glasses boy! Let me lay a few ground rules here. (eats scoops of the dough) Lakeside City School, under the command of me, Gaylord Kenneth Walker-
(Suddenly, everybody bursts into laughter)
Stanley: GAYLORD?!
Principal Walker: (sighs) Yes. That's my name. Don't wear it out.
(Beat)
Principal Walker: Now! We have never lost a single student here. Not even for medical emergencies, so-
(They continue laughing. He glares at them, and they immediately stop)
Principal Walker: I expect you two hooligans to know what CONTROL is.
(Skipper puts a sticky note reading "GAYLORD" on Walker's back. Everybody snickers. He turns his head around, but the note isn't there anymore)
Principal Walker: (inhales, and exhales) Here, we take risks and abide by many, many rules.
(We hear giggling. Walker gives them another dirty glare)
Principal Walker: But the two most important rules, are no free speech-
(Wayne creates a spark of electricity spelling out "GAYLORD", causing everybody to burst into laughter. Walker turns around, but it isn't there anymore)
Principal Walker: (he trembles with fury, and his eyes become bloodshot) -AND DEFINITELY NO EDUCATION!
Edward: But Mr. Walker, isn't that what school is all about?
Principal Walker: Nope. American school is about making the youth insecure about themselves. Perhaps most of them will receive eating disorders from these 13 years of experience. (his eyes extend to Edward's direction) I'LL BE WATCHING YOU! (then, they return to normal) NOW! Everybody go to their "pre-approved" classes.
Charles: (sighs) Back to taking tests over stuff the teacher never taught us.
(We see a skinny Tony)
Tony: (his stomach growls) Man, I'm hungry. There's no food breaks here.
Eric: Here! You can have our dough. (hands him it)
Tony: (he takes one small bite and immediately becomes morbidly obese) Thanks, Eric!
Edward: (takes out the brother's class schedule) Well, Eric, no matter how Mr. Walker paints school, we can still make our own fun!
Eric: "Fun" and "school" shouldn't be in the same sentence. Why should this be any different?
Edward: Because no matter where you go, there is always a bright side!
(Beat)
Edward: Well, unless you're on the dark side of the Moon or something.
(Camera transitions to Art class. The students in there are filling in coloring pages with crayons)
Terry: Hey Victor, how are you doing over there?
Victor: I'M DOING OKAY! I JUST WISH WE COULD MOVE ONTO FINGER PAINTING!
Joey: (walks in) If you guys really wanna have some fun, color the pages in with markers instead of crayons!
Tony: Whoa, that does sound more fun.
(Suddenly, the brothers are heard laughing. Edward paints a perfect replica of the Mona Lisa. Eric drenches himself in blue paint and slides out of the classroom, and down the hallway. Walker sees him coming and screams, but he's too late to dodge him)
Stanley: Now THAT'S what I call fun!
Wayne: I wish I was them!
Joey: (grinds his teeth) Edward...Eric...
(At recess, Tony and Skipper are digging in the sandbox)
Joey: Hey! If you guys want some fun, why not build a sand castle? (he proceeds to do so)
(The brothers are heard wildly cheering. The camera pans over to reveal them playing a combination of Hopscotch and Tag)
Wayne: No way!
Chuck: Did you see that?!
Victor: THEY KNOW HOW TO LIVE!
(They run off to join them. Joey grunts in anger)
(Later, Dallas and Stanley are playing with a tetherball)
Joey: If you guys want some fun, (takes out a bowling ball) we could replace the tetherball, with a BOWLING ball!
(Suddenly, the brothers are flying in with an airplane Edward made out of wood. They cheer)
Dallas: Whoa! That's what I'm talking about!
Stanley: I know where we can find some logs! (both take off)
(Steam comes out of Joey's ears, and his face turns blood red)
Dallas: (offscreen) Then Edward and Eric will teach us how to have more fun!
Joey: He can arrive in a pizza van, but stealing my fame AND best friend?! (grunts) Edwaaaaaaarrrdddd.......EEEEERRRRRRIIIIIIICCCCC!!!!!!!! THAT! DOES IT!!!!!!! (pants heavily)
Principal Walker: (walks by, writing stuff down onto a clipboard) Just as I expected - lots of demerits in one day.
(This gives Joey an idea)
Joey: That's it! All I need is to give them a kick out the door. Well, after a word from our dumb sponsors.
(Fade to black)
(Commercial break)
(Afterwards, we see the brothers leading Dallas and Stanley in an underground hallway)
Stanley: So, uh, what are you showing us here?
Edward: You guys will see, don't worry.
(They reach a fingerprint scanner)
Edward: Folks, this is our own personal hideout, personally built by yours truly! To gain access, all a member needs to do is (he does the following) lay their thumb here, (the metal doors open) and eureka! It's kid Heaven.
(The others are in amazement)
Stanley: Whoa! There is no way you made this alone.
Edward: Oh, I did. This was a walk in the park compared to my past achievements - curing the common cold, creating interdimensional teleporters; heck, even finding Wyoming.
Dallas: Say, where's Joey?
(Suddenly, they hear a bear howling in pain)
Edward: What was that?!
Stanley: No worries, that's just Joey's singing.
(It gets louder)
Eric: No, that's a helpless animal in pain! Someone HAS to help it.
Dallas: Eric, don't you know better than this? Wild animals aren't meant to be cared for by humans. That thing will tear ya into shreds!
Eric: It's ok, Dallas. It'll appreciate my help. (marches out)
Edward: Eric, you've gotta think this through! Eric! ERIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC!!!!!
(Outside, Joey is hiding behind one of the courtyard's tables)
Joey: (it turns out he was imitating a bear; afterwards, he laughs) Oh, finally!
(Later, Eric has reached a forested area. Hawks fly by. As he goes further, he discovers that there really is a bear. The camera pans out to reveal a grizzly bear crying)
Eric: Um...excuse me, Mr. Bear?
(The bear turns around and roars. It tackles Eric to the ground with its sharp claws and growls at him)
Eric: Mr. Bear, you have a splinter stuck in your paw. Do you want me to remove it?
(It whimpers and gives Eric its paw)
Eric: Now hold still...
(The camera focuses on a grotesque closeup of the splinter. It is deep into the bear's skin, and the red wound beats like a heart. Eric slowly removes it, which releases pus all over. The bear yelps in pain and clutches its paw)
Eric: Feeling any better?
(It's still in agony)
Eric: Ok, I have to head off now. Remember, you should always be careful around wood. (he walks away)
(The bear perks its head up and begins following him. Eric turns his head around, but then it hides behind a tree)
Eric: Hello?
(He continues walking, and it resumes to following. He turns around again, and it hides in a bush. Then, he goes back to walking, and it follows him once again. Eric turns around and it hides behind another tree. Eric speed-walks until he's no longer in sight. He proceeds to tackle the bear from behind)
Eric: Why are you following me?
(The bear whimpers)
Eric: Oooohhhhhh...you're happy I removed the splinter, and you want to be my friend.
(It whimpers again)
Eric: And you want to invite me for milk and cookies?
(It makes a happy noise)
Eric: And your name is Snuggles?
Snuggles: (nods)
Eric: And you want to disprove quantum physics because you're the inventor of time travel?
Snuggles: (nods again)
Eric: Why sure I'll hang around! (they walk away)
(Cut to Mr. Rattlebag with Paul)
Paul: So how much is rent again?
Mr. Rattlebag: Ten times more than what you make in a year, even if you're some rich entrepreneur. Sorry, bud, but ya chose to live in New York. That's the way things are.
Joey: (dashes in) Mr. Rattlebag! Mr. Rattlebag!
Mr. Rattlebag: (grunts) What is it?
Joey: Uh, that Eric kid? He...he got eaten by a bear! And I saw his brother follow him.
(Mr. Rattlebag turns his attention to Paul with a death glare. The latter is absolutely shocked)
(Outside, the rest of the gang is walking down a trail)
Edward: (gasps in horror and picks up...) Eric's shirt! He must've been eaten by now!
Stanley: (inspects the ground) Nope. I see footprints. We have to follow them.
(They do so, and it leads to a cave. Inside, they hear a familiar voice)
Eric: (finishes up a cup of tea) Hey, guys!
Edward: (gasps and runs up to hug him) Eric! I thought you were roadkill by now. Thank goodness you're still alive.
Eric: Oh, so am I! I just made a new friend, and I think you guys will really like him.
Edward: "New friend"? In a cave?
Eric: Yeah. OH, SNUGGLES!
Edward: (his eyeballs shrink in fear) "Snuggles"?
(Snuggles nervously walks out from the darkness. Edward screams bloody murder and takes cover behind a stalagmite)
Edward: Eric! You know what Dallas said a-a-about animals l-like th-th-that!
Eric: No, Edward, it's ok. I removed a splinter from him and we became friends after that. He's friendly. But I'm gonna give him a place to heal up until he's better; it's too cold for him in here.
(In the elevator, the gang is with Snuggles, who is disguised as a human. Someone else is in the elevator with them)
Man: (bumps Eric with his elbow) Hey, tell your fat friend to stop breathing on me. It's creepy.
(Snuggles rips off his disguise's head and violently devours the man)
(In the hallway, they escort Snuggles into the Pearson apartment. Mr. Rattlebag is yelling at Paul, but then the latter notices the commotion and slides his eyes across his face to view it)
(They manage to squeeze Snuggles into the brother's bedroom)
Eric: (takes off Snuggles' disguise) So, Snuggles, that's my brother, Edward, and my two new friends, Dallas and Stanley. Say thank you.
(He growls gently, and Edward shivers in fear)
Edward: Eric, get that bear out before he eats all of us!
Eric: Shhhhh! Edward, it's fine. Just please, keep quiet and-
Mr. Rattlebag: (offscreen) OH, ERIC!!!!
(The gang gets shocked and they look through the living room's peephole)
Dallas: Quick, hide Snuggles!
(Rattlebag and Joey storm up to the apartment door. Eric quickly opens it and slams it shut, standing in front of it. Edward follows him)
Mr. Rattlebag: Eric!
Eric: Oh, uhh...hi, Mr. Rattlebag!
Mr. Rattlebag: It hasn't even been a day and you already put your whole family on the verge of EVICTION!
(Snuggles is heard roaring in anger)
Mr. Rattlebag: (to Joey) Easy there, tiger.
Joey: (terrified) Th-that w-w-wasn't me, sir!
(Inside, Dallas and Stanley are holding onto Snuggles)
Dallas: Come on, Stanley! Tighter!
Mr. Rattlebag: Care to tell me what's in there? Are you aware of our no-pet policy?
Eric: Uhh...I...
Mr. Rattlebag: Step aside, Eric! Let the adults handle this.
Eric: But, but I-
Mr. Rattlebag: (lifts him up and gets him away from the door) I said, step aside!
Eric: Mr. Rattlebag, NOOOOOO!!!!
Edward: Eric, this is your fault!
Mr. Rattlebag: Let's get to the bottom of thi-
(Snuggles forces the door down and roars at Edward, Joey, Paul and Mr. Rattlebag, who scream in fear as they drop to the floor. He bears his claws at them)
Edward, Joey, Paul and Mr. Rattlebag: AAAAUUGGHHHH!!!!! NATURE!!!!!!
Eric: No, Snuggles! Bad bear!
(The four book it, and if one listens closely, Mr. Rattlebag can be heard repeatedly screaming "Run away from nature!" in fear. Snuggles chases after them in hot pursuit)
Eric: (struggling to catch up) SNUGGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(They try to hide in several apartments, but Snuggles rapidly catches up each time, mauling them each time as well. Eventually, an entire frightened crowd forms)
(The crowd runs to Mr. Rattlebag's office, but since Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten are on top of the crowd, one of the brothers hit the wall and get knocked down, right before rushing in and slamming the door shut)
Eric: (holds Snuggles back) SNUGGLES!!!! Listen to me! I know you're angry! But I'm ok.
(Snuggles angrily growls)
Eric: See? I'm not hurt. (holds his paw and walks away) Come on. We need to talk.
(Inside of Mr. Rattlebag's office, Floyd is seen changing a lightbulb)
Floyd: Whoa, what's the big hassle? A surprise party?
Mr. Rattlebag: (takes his head out from underneath the desk) Is it still out there?
Floyd: Is what still out there?
Mr. Rattlebag: A bear, Floyd! One of the Pearsons brought in a flesh-eating bear! (faces Joey) You go check, tattletale.
Joey: I ain't going out there!
Mr. Rattlebag: Ugh. (to Terry and Barry) You guys check.
Terry and Barry: (in unison) No way!
Mr. Rattlebag: OH, COME ON!
Floyd: (sighs) I'll check.
(He heads outside, but then he screams before getting trampled by another crowd)
(Camera transitions to the apartment's courtyard)
Eric: Let me set this straight, Snuggles. You can't keep bullying everyone. You're here as a guest. You need to be polite.
(Chauncey walks in with a bag of mail, whistling, but then he opens his eyes, screams bloody murder, and takes off)
Eric: (sits down with Snuggles) I thought this would happen.
(Dallas and Stanley walk up to the duo)
Dallas: Eric, may we have a word with you?
Eric: (approaches them) Sure thing, what's up?
Dallas: Eric, the whole apartment is hiding in Mr. Rattlebag's office no thanks to your "friend" over there! We don't want him back. You've messed up our whole friendship by mingling with nature! (verbatim from earlier) Wild animals aren't meant to be cared for by humans. Either come back with the bear, or don't return at all.
Eric: (looks at the duo, and then at Snuggles; sadly) Ok. I'll break the news. But he won't like it.
Stanley: If you need us, we'll be here.
(Beat)
Stanley: Thousands of feet away.
(Both quickly take off. Cut back to the office. Abdul looks through the window)
Abdul: Uhh, you guys?! (we see Eric talking to Snuggles from the window) Eric's getting into it with the bear! (Snuggles angrily roars) Now the bear's angry about something! (he chases Eric) Now he's chasing him! They're going! They're going! THEY'RE GOING! Oh, I can't see them anymore.
Mr. Rattlebag: Phew, at least that's over. Now who wants to fetch some grub from the cafeteria? (eyes Joey) Tattletale?
Joey: No to that, and NO I'M NOT A TATTLETALE!
Mr. Rattlebag: What are you? A chicken?
Joey: No! I...uhh...
Skipper: (laughs) Joey's afraid of the bear.
(Mr. Rattlebag imitates a chicken clucking)
Jason: I always thought Joey was a tough guy.
Grayson: I guess not.
Mason: What a loser.
Hasten: Joey's a wimp.
Joey: (tries to find an excuse, but then he gets an idea) I'm REALLY not scared! (calms down within a nanosecond) But my good pal Edward here is.
Mr. Rattlebag: Perfect!
(Camera immediately cuts to Mr. Rattlebag booting Edward out of the door)
Edward: (gulps) Uhh...everything's fine, Edward. (shivers) Don't eat me, Mr. Bear. I don't taste so good.
(Back in the gang's hideout, it is now nighttime. Dallas and Stanley are playing with cards)
Dallas: It's getting late. I'm worried for Eric.
Stanley: Worried for Eric?! You should worry for us! We are to go to school with that maniac! Ever since he arrived, he has been nothing but trouble. And the next thing you know, he brings in a giant, angry bear! No way, Dallas. We should be through with him. You know this.
(Cut to a shot of Lakeside's skyline)
Stanley: If he never comes back, that would be completely fine by me.
Dallas: (echoing) Eric...
(The camera goes above to the starry sky, and it fades to black)
(Commercial break)
(Afterwards, Mr. Goodman is seen clocking into work. Suddenly, his eyes widen, and he walks into Principal Walker's office)
Mr. Goodman: Uhh...sir?
(Walker is snoring, but then he slightly raises his head up and opens one eye)
Principal Walker: Yeah? What do you want?
Mr. Goodman: Umm, by any chance, have you heard about the grizzly bear incident recently? It involved one of the two new students. Eric, I believe.
Principal Walker: (fully wakes up and becomes nervous) W-what about it?
Mr. Goodman: Sir, the word is he has gone missing! We'll need to do a head count!
Principal Walker: A HEAD COUNT?!
(Beat)
Mr. Goodman: Sir, I meant, counting the students.
Principal Walker: Oh, yeah. Right.
(Camera cuts to a shot of the intercom)
Mr. Goodman: (through the P.A. system) Attention all teachers! Attention all teachers! Please gather your classes and line up in the flower field for a mandatory head count immediately!
(There, classes are shown scrambling into lines. The camera cuts to the gang barely entering the school, although Eric and Joey are gone)
Edward: Eric never came back. But my wristwatch may be picking up some DNA nearby. (glances at his wristwatch) The flower field, guys.
(At the flower field, Walker is in front of the classes)
Principal Walker: Line up, everybody! 2, 4, 6, 8... no, that's not right...
(Edward, Dallas and Stanley search through the flower field for signs of Eric. Upon noticing something near a group of trees, Edward screams bloody murder and rushes over to Walker and Goodman)
Edward: OH, THE HORROR!!!! (cries)
Mr. Goodman: Edward?! What happened? Get a hold of yourself! What did you see?
Edward: Eric has been eaten by the bear! (sobs more)
(Everybody gasps)
Edward: There's a really grotesque mess w-with signs of a struggle! A-and... (takes out a pair of underwear) I found this, in the middle of it!
(Mr. Goodman grabs it, and a disturbing closeup of the underwear is shown)
Mr. Goodman: Eric's undergarments?
(Terry and Barry approach the spot)
Terry: Yup, that's a mauling alright.
Barry: Yeah. It looks pretty grizzly.
(Terry crosses his arms and glares at Barry)
Barry: What?
Principal Walker: (walks up to Goodman, biting his nails) W-w-what's going on, Goodman?
Mr. Goodman: It appears one of the two new students, Eric, has been eaten by the bear, sir!
Principal Walker: A student?! Eaten?! Th-that's not a blemish, is it? I've got a blemish-free record!
Mr. Goodman: (takes out a book and opens it) According to the school's manual, if a student happens to be devoured by nature, the principal is held responsible, sir! (gulps) So I guess we should call Superintendent Strict and-
Principal Walker: (his mouth opens wide) Superintendent Strict, huh?! (grabs Goodman's eyes and stretches them out of his sockets) NO STRICT!!!! (cries and runs away) NO BLEMISH! NO BLEMISH!!!!!!!! (runs into the school and slams the front door shut)
Dallas: (looking at Eric's underwear) It cannot be true. (sniffles)
Stanley: Hang on, where's Joey?
Joey: (offscreen) Why, thank you for the mention, Stanley.
(He leaps into the scene)
Joey: That bear would still be hanging around here if it weren't for me!
Everyone: Joey?
Joey: That's right. I saw the whole thing. They ran all the way over here, and then - poof!
Edward: S-s-so...you saw Eric get...e-eaten?
Joey: (pretends to be sad) Alas, I'm afraid so. It happened too fast for me to save him. (perks his head up) But then I leapt into the action and scared the bear so he wouldn't take anymore lives. GRAAAAHHHH!!!!
(Everyone gasps)
Tony: Uh, Joey?
Joey: Tony, you have a question?
Tony: Did Eric leave any instructions on how to have fun?
Edward: (from a distance) I'm right here, you know.
(Beat)
Joey: There will be a full briefing on my heroic acts later on.
(That afternoon, Goodman is on the phone with Strict, who is speaking loud gibberish)
Mr. Goodman: Yes, sir. Very good, sir. (hangs up and knocks on Walker's door) Principal Walker, sir, that was Superintendent Strict calling again, sir. He's waiting on the-
(Suddenly, Walker slams the door open, crushing Goodman into the wall)
Principal Walker: GOODMAN! IT'S A MIRACLE!
(No answer)
Principal Walker: Goodman?
Mr. Goodman: (muffled) Right behind the door, sir.
(Walker grabs him)
Principal Walker: It's the dumb boy, Goodman! He's returned!
(They enter Walker's office)
Mr. Goodman: Eric has returned? This is wonderful, sir! Now we can clear things up with-
(He stops, and the camera focuses on Wayne, who is sitting on Walker's desk)
Wayne: Umm, hi. I'm Eric. I used to be Wayne until I conveniently had my name legally changed, and...uhh, did I do good, Mr. Walker?
Mr. Goodman: Sir, that's just another student, Wayne Bostick.
Principal Walker: Wayne? Open your eyes, Goodman! (rushes over to Wayne) Why this ball of electricity is nothing more than our beloved Eric!
(Beat)
Wayne: HE MADE ME DO IT!!!!!!!! (repeatedly zaps Walker with his own electricity) BAD PRINCIPAL!!!!! BAD BAD PRINCIPAL!!!!! (takes off and cries)
(Awkward silence fills up the office. Walker's phone rings, but then he rips off the cord from the wall)